The NEWORK Centre
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No 72 September 2005
The Key To Talking to Anyone ... Sincerity
By Steven Gaffney
Have you ever encountered someone who used perfect body language and had impeccable pronunciation and grammar, yet you did not believe a word they said? Conversely, have you encountered someone who stumbled, stammered, seemed nervous and lacked confidence, but you believed everything they said?
It is not how smooth you are that matters so much; it is how sincere and natural you are that is the key. How do you feel when you witness someone who is trying to emulate someone else and consequently appears artificial?
Imagine John F. Kennedy talking like Mahatma Gandhi or Ronald Reagan emulating Martin Luther King Jr. The notion is silly, yet all of these people are thought of as master communicators. Although each of them had their own style, they were dynamic because of their sincerity and belief in their message.
Of course, body language, word choice, tone, and inflection are important. However, none are as important as sincerity. Why? Our true thoughts and feelings are conveyed in every aspect of our interactions. Remember, most of us our lousy actors and actresses. People can detect when we are being sincere, when our inside matches the outside. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say." What you do should match what you say, and vice versa.
Remember, you do not have to be perfect; you just have to be your sincere, natural self.
Networking - 20 Ways To Make Yourself More Memorable
Dale Carnegie, who wrote the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, shared how he won a major sale by making himself memorable in a positive way. While sitting at dinner he started talking with a gentleman at his table. The man at his table spoke for four hours while only allowing Dale Carnegie the opportunity to speak for only about two minutes. After four hours the man stated to everyone, "Dale Carnegie is the best conversationalist I've ever met." By being an active listener Dale Carnegie was not only portrayed as a great conversationalist, but the man instantly took a liking to Dale Carnegie. Since Dale was interested in him he was interested in Dale and later he provided Dale Carnegie with a great sales opportunity.
You too can make yourself memorable to everyone you meet. By following the guidelines below, you'll not only be more memorable, but you'll get more clients, keep them and get enthusiastic referrals. Start these TODAY!
- Introduce yourself to others. No matter where you are act like you're the host. Be the first to say hello.
- Make an extra effort to remember people's names. As Dale Carnegie says, "The sweetest sound to a person is their name."
- Use eye contact and smile upon meeting someone. The best way to build rapport is through eye contact.
- Make everyone feel important by paying full attention to him or her. President Clinton is a master of this. When you talk to him, he makes you feel like you are the only person in the room.
- Show others that you are enjoying your conversation with them. Don't yawn, look bored, or have a case of roving eyes.
- Show curiosity and interest in others.
- Listen, Listen, Listen. You not only become more likeable, but you really start to understand the person's wants, needs and desires.
- Be enthusiastic about things and life to others. People will gravitate to those upbeat, positive and cheerful people.
- Display your sense of humour. People remember humour six times longer than regular conversation.
- Be able to speak on a variety of subjects. Keep abreast of current events.
- Speak concisely. Be able to tell people what you do in a few short sentences.
- Speak their language. Talk in terms of their communication style. For example, if someone just wants the facts, don't go into a lot of stories and anecdotes.
- Be tolerant of peoples beliefs if they are different from yours
- Invite people to join you for lunch, dinner and other social events
- Ask them for their opinions
- Don't interrupt
- Have positive body language. Use the SOFTEN technique. S=smile, O=open posture, F=forward lean, T=stay out of their territory, E=eye contact, N=nod to show understanding.
- Be yourself. Enjoy the conversation
- Give them more than they expect. In other words, under-promise and over-deliver.
- Compliment others about what they are wearing, doing, or saying, but be sincere.
Ten Commandments of Networking at a Business Event
1. Have the tools to network with you at all times.
These include an informative name badge, business cards, brochures about your business and a pocket-sized business card file containing cards of other professionals whom you can refer.
2. Set a goal for the number of people you'll meet at the business events you attend.
Identify a reachable goal based on attendance and the type of group. Don't leave until you've met your goal.
3. Act like a host, not a guest.
A host is expected to do things for others, while a guest sits back and relaxes. Volunteer to help greet people. If you see visitors sitting, introduce yourself and ask if they would like to meet others. Act as a conduit.
4. Listen and ask questions.
Remember that a good networker has two ears and one mouth and uses them proportionately. After you've learned what another person does, tell them what you do. Be specific, but brief. Don't assume they know your business.
5. Don't try to close a deal.
These events are not meant to be a vehicle to "hit on" business people to buy your products or services. Networking is about developing relationships with other professionals. Meeting people at events should be the beginning of that process, not at the end of it.
6. Give referrals whenever possible.
The best networkers believe in the givers gain philosophy. If you don't genuinely attempt to help the people you meet, then you are not networking effectively.
7. Exchange business cards.
Ask each person you meet for two cards -- one to pass on to others and one to keep. This sets the stage for networking to happen.
8. Manage your time efficiently.
Spend ten minutes or less with each person you meet and don't linger with friends or associates. If your goal is to meet a given number of people, be careful not to spend too much time with any one person. When you meet someone with whom you'd like to speak further, set up an appointment for a later date.
9. Write notes on the back of business cards you collect.
Record anything you think may be useful in remembering each person more clearly. This will come in handy when you follow up on each contact.
10. Follow up.
You can obey the previous nine commandments religiously, but if you don't follow up effectively, you will have wasted your time. Drop a note or give a call to each person you've met. Be sure to fulfill any promises you've made.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty
Winston Churchill
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